


Monkey Business

by LaufeyOfThay



Series: Thayvian Tales [3]
Category: Baldur's Gate
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23839939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaufeyOfThay/pseuds/LaufeyOfThay
Summary: If you ever wondered about the reason for Edwin's extreme distaste for simians, you are about to find out.
Series: Thayvian Tales [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717807
Kudos: 2





	Monkey Business

The noise was unbearable. A dozen cats being strangled simultaneously inside a dozen barrels couldn't have created more than a faint echo of the nerve-wracking sounds that had been filling the Odesseiron Mansion for more than three days in a row now. Young Edwin Odesseiron sighed deeply and bent over his Demonology book again.

The difference between Devils and Demons is mainly a question of philosophy, he read. Namely, the difference between the iron fist of ordered evil and the bloodthirsty randomness of chaotic evil. This fundamental…

**Screeech! Screeeaaaa!**

Edwin winced. That had been a particularly bad one. He wished his father would get over this soon. It was always the same. He'd find some new game, play it with all his heart and soul, then eventually move on to something else. The latest obsession had been collecting rare snakes. Edwin still had nightmares about the night when they all had accidentally got loose. But this was even worse.

**Screeeaaaagh! Screeee!**

It was no good. The words on the page in front of him made no sense whatsoever. Edwin raised his head again to give his tutor a pleading look.

"Please, Teacher Dekaras", he said. "I can't concentrate."

Vadrak Dekaras, the Odesseiron tutor, was currently pacing back and forth along the cluttered study table and had been doing so for the best part of an hour, occasionally muttering something inaudible under his breath. There was a dark scowl on his face and even darker circles beneath his eyes. 

"And to think", he mused, "that I believed myself familiar with all the known instruments of torture. One learns something new each day, it seems." He then seemed to become aware of his pupil's comment. "What?", he said irritably, forcing Edwin to repeat himself. "Hmmm", Dekaras said. "You may have a point there, boy. This atmosphere is not exactly beneficial for the soaking up of knowledge, now is it?" He paused for a moment, considering. "Perhaps it would be to our advantage to remove ourselves from the premises for the afternoon. We should get you acquainted with your future spell components suppliers after all, and there is only so much one can learn from books."

Edwin nodded eagerly. A trip to the market! That should be a welcome interruption of the daily routine. Besides, it might give him an opportunity he'd been waiting for. 

**Scrrrreeeeeech! Scraaaaaiiiii!**

A muscle twitched momentarily beneath the tutors right eye. "But first", he said, "I'm afraid we shall have to go and have a word with Master Odesseiron."

The sounds grew louder and more penetrating as Edwin hurried along the corridors of the mansion. In front of him he could see his tutor's black-cloaked back, stiff with displeasure. Now that he had made up his mind Dekaras seemed to be in a hurry to get things settled, but still his feet glided noiselessly across the floor as usual. Not that it made much difference on a day like this. Eventually they reached the great gilded double doors that were their goal and Dekaras silently pulled them open, then beckoned his young charge inside.

The ballroom was huge, a temple to celebration and luxury. Great windows offered a splendid view of the park outside, dark wooden chairs lined the walls, every single one covered by  
a silken cushion inlaid with different kinds of precious stones. The ceiling was decorated with a vast painting where Red Wizards valiantly fought the most hideous of monsters and did various nasty things to their enemies, involving pincers, fireballs and live mice. And then there was the chandelier. A masterpiece of candles and crystal, glittering in all the colours of the rainbow. It floated between floor and ceiling, constantly rotating due to the complex spells that powered it. Edwin could happily sit and stare at the pretty lights for hours. Not today though. His father was standing beneath the chandelier, his eyes closed as his skinny figure rocked and swayed in time with what only a charitable person would call 'music'. His red robe was dishevelled, his fluffy brown hair unkempt and there was a dreamy smile on his lips.

Dekaras motioned Edwin to stay where he was, then approached until he was close enough to touch the preoccupied wizard.

"You called, Master?", he said, speaking directly into the other man's ear.

Galen Odesseiron gasped in surprise and gave a violent start.

"Dear Gods, Dekaras!", he exclaimed. "Don't sneak up on me like that! Why would you think I called for you?"

The teacher gave him a bland look. "I was under the impression, Master, that you wish for me to be alert to any possible threat to your safety. Since I thought I heard you screaming for help, making sounds like you were being flayed alive, naturally I thought it prudent to investigate the situation and lend whatever small aid I might be capable of."

Galen digested this for a moment. "But what would make you think that, old boy?", he asked. "I was only practicing with the violin, you know."

"Indeed, Master."

"Now see here!", Galen said, his normally vague and slightly confused face scrunched up with annoyance. "Are you telling me you think my playing isn't any good?" He waved the violin in the other man's face as he spoke.

"I would never dream of telling you any such thing, Master."

"Well, good! Good! Because I'm going to keep on doing it. I'm on to something here, Dekaras. The music of the Planes will be mine, any day now. I know it. This violin, it's a gift from the gods I'm sure. I've made enormous progress already. Why, I've only broken one string so far today."

"Commendable, Master."

"Yes, it is rather, isn't it? Anyway, I'll keep playing whether you like it or not. I mean, who is supposed to be making the decisions around here, after all? We all know who the brains of this household are, don't we?"

"Oh, I think we're perfectly clear on that point, Master", Dekaras said, his voice neutral. "May I make a couple of suggestions, however?"

"Certainly, old boy. Please, go ahead."

"It seems to me, Master, that your progress might be accelerated if you limited yourself to playing either during the day or during the night. We all need to sleep sometimes, after all." 

"No, no, not me!" Galen laughed merrily, oblivious to the dark look the tutor gave him at that braying sound. "I'm on a roll here, Dekaras. Wouldn't do to break the flow, you know. Now, was there anything else I can do for you? Madam Odesseiron decided to go visit her mother for a few days, we have plenty of time to chat."

"Yes, Master. I was thinking on taking young Master Edwin on an excursion. A visit to the procurers of spell components. He could benefit from seeing what the items in question actually look like rather than merely reading about them."

"Why, that's a capital idea! Capital!" Galen Odesseiron suddenly noticed his son who had been following the exchange with fascination and who had now approached. "Edwin! There you are! Want to go on this little trip, eh?"

"Yes Father", Edwin said politely. Then he braced himself before adding his own suggestion to the plan. "Father, there's something else I want."

"And what might that be?", Galen asked, ruffling the boy's hair good-naturedly.

"A pet, father. They sell lots of pets in Sacrifice Street, the cook told me so last week. Please, father, can I have one? Please?" Edwin made his best wide-eyed puppy face, complete with fluttering eyelashes, trying hard not to shiver as he felt the eyes of his teacher upon him. 

"How sweet", Dekaras said, his voice frigid.

"Yes, it is, isn't it?", Galen Odesseiron said and patted his son on the shoulder. "Well, son, Of course you can have a pet, any pet you want. I had a jellyfish of my own when I was your age, and it helped make me the man I am today. Why don't you stop to buy one on your way home?" 

"Why not indeed", Dekaras said, and the sudden glint in his eyes made Edwin take a step backwards. "I believe you are quite correct about the jellyfish, Master. And I am certain young Edwin could benefit from having a pet of his own as well. That should teach him to be responsible, to feed it, train it, look after its every need. To clean up after it."

"But…", Edwin tried.

"Because", Dekaras continued as if he hadn't heard, "should I have to assume those duties as well, apart from the tutoring and the final disposition of awkward commodities, then that would constitute a triple workload, and I would have no other choice but to resign my position."

"Resign?!", Galen yelped. "But…but…you can't…I mean…" He paused, obviously frantic to deflate the situation. " I'm positive that…"

Dekaras raised an eyebrow. "Master?", he said. Just that one word, and yet it spoke volumes.

"Yes, yes", Galen said nervously, running a hand through his hair. "As you say. It will do the boy some good, I'm sure. Oh, by the way. The - the disposition of 'awkward commodities'. Did you - did you carry out the assignment I gave you last week?"

Dekaras nodded briefly. "Yes, Master", he said. "Last night. That particular problem will trouble you no more."

"Oh. Oh! Good. Take the day off tomorrow, why don't you? Looks like you could use some sleep."

"Why, thank you Master. How perceptive of you." With that the tutor gripped Edwin firmly by the shoulder and rapidly steered him out of the room.

**Scrrreeech! Screeeaaaa!** Galen Odesseiron happily resumed his playing, once again in an obsessive world of his own. Above him precious crystals scattered into a thousand fragments.

As they approached Sacrifice Street, Edwin was excited enough to be skipping rather than walking. The lesson on spell components had been rather interesting, and he had performed reasonably well. The notable exception had been when he'd stuck his nose down a box of fine, greyish powder, curious to see what it was. It had turned out to be highly expensive lich dust, and unfortunately Edwin had sneezed and scattered it all over the floor. Dekaras hadn't been at all pleased about that.

But that was in the past, Edwin thought, and now they were going to buy him a pet of his own! It wouldn't be a familiar, which was what he had really wanted ever since reading about them, but it was close enough. Only thing was, he wasn't sure exactly what kind of pet he wanted. Something big enough to play with, but small enough to carry. And it had to be smart. No stupid goldfish or stick insect that was so lazy you couldn't even tell when it died. 

"Well, boy", Dekaras asked as they stopped outside a grimy shop window bearing the inscription 'Buggers and Son. Procurers of Diverse Treasures of the Animal Kingdom'. "Have you changed your mind yet?"

"Of course not!", Edwin said indignantly. "Why should I?"

"It is as I said before", Dekaras said and gave the boy a thoughtful look. "A pet means responsibility. You'll have to look after it, keep it fed and out of mischief, as well as clean up its messes. Are you certain you're up to it?"

"Yes, yes, yes! I want it! And Father said I could have it. Come on, Father told you I could have a pet!"

"Very good", Dekaras said, his voice a bit chilly. "After you then." He pulled the door open with a jingle of tiny bells, then made an elegant beckoning gesture with his cloak.

Edwin almost ran inside, then paused just inside the door, his mouth open. The shop was dimly lit, one of those establishments that seem much larger on the inside than on the outside. There were narrow aisles leading off in all directions, shelves that led all the way up to the ceiling harboured cages and glass-boxes of all shapes and sizes. Dark forms could be seen moving inside some of them. Growl, hisses, hoots and whines made a continuous curtain of disharmonious sounds. Finally, there was a Smell. The kind of Smell that can only be created when a great number of animals, some of whom are natural enemies, live together in close quarters over an extended period of time. Edwin felt his eyes begin to water and he saw Dekaras dab briefly at his long nose with a handkerchief.

There was a counter near the middle of the shop, its top covered with dusty old books and boxes. In front of it stood a large, heavyset man wearing an expensive looking red robe. His bald head was decorated with a tattoo of a roaring lion.

"Why, you miserable little cheat!", the man bellowed at the top of his voice. The animals bayed, cawed and growled even louder than before.

"Now, now good sir", a squeaky voice said, seemingly out of empty air. "No need to get so upset."

"No need to…You sold me a dead hamster for my daughter's birthday! And when I asked you why it was so quiet and still you told me that was because hamsters are nocturnal and only run around in the evening! Except when poor little Zabina unwrapped her gift the thing had gone as stiff as a board!"

"Uh, are you sure that happened before you gift-wrapped the cage, sir?", the squeaky voice said.

"Enough!", the angry customer roared and slammed his meaty fist down on the counter. "You're trying to cheat a Red Wizard here, fool! Either you let me have a new pet, free of charge, or I'll turn you into a toad and make you a birthday present instead. Which is it going to be, eh?"

"Er, why don't you look around, sir, and let me know when you find an animal you like?", the squeaky voice said nervously. "I'm sure we can come to an agreement."

The wizard stalked off down an aisle, growling quietly. Dekaras gave him a considering look. "Interesting", he said in a quiet voice. "So Rory the Roarer is in the pet market as well."

"Who's he?", Edwin asked.

"An - acquaintance of your parents. But enough of that. Let's go talk to Mr Buggers." The tutor stepped up to the counter and knocked on it smartly. Seconds later a worried looking face popped up from behind the counter, causing Edwin to take a quick step back in surprise. At first, he thought he was looking at another child, for the head was level with his own. Then he noticed that even though the brown eyes were merry and bright, the brown hair thick and curly and the plump cheeks rosy, there were tiny laugh lines around the eyes. Eyes that were far too shrewd and knowing for any child.

"Master Dekaras!", the tiny man exclaimed and stepped around the counter, displaying a bright yellow waistcoat with shiny buttons and an equally lurid green cravat with a glittering diamond pin. The fact that the man was barefoot struck Edwin as odd at first, until he saw that those feet were covered with brown hair the exact colour as that on the shop keepers head. A halfling then. Edwin knew about them, but he'd never seen one before.

"What a pleasant surprise, Master Dekaras", the halfling Mr Buggers said. "Good morning!"

"It is?", Dekaras asked sourly. "I hadn't noticed."

"You do look a bit drawn, sir", Mr Buggers said, his eyes a-twinkle. "Busy night? You wouldn't be the only one."

"Really."

"Oh, yes! Seems old Craddock, the spice merchant down on Pyre Street was murdered last night. The word is all over the streets. Apparently, somebody sneaked inside his house, bypassed all the guards and smothered him with his own pillow."

"How very shocking."

"Quite so, sir. My nephew works down that way, and he says that pillow will never be the same again. Anyway, the assassin got away. There was some kind of incident with the guards, and an alarm went off. Two guardsmen were killed, but nobody was caught, and they couldn't even tell what the man actually looked like."

"What a very fortunate fellow."

"Yes, sir. Probably a bit exhausted this morning though, after all of that, which was what you made me think of. Now, what can I do for you?"

"This boy is determined to buy a pet", Dekaras said, indicating Edwin who had been listening to the previous exchange with a feeling that things were being said behind the words openly used. "Perhaps you could make a recommendation. Nothing that's already deceased, mind you. Something a bit livelier."

"Aha!", Mr Buggers said and cheerfully pumped Edwin's hand up and down. "Young Master Odesseiron, I presume. A pleasure to make you acquaintance. We'll find you a perfect pet, don't you worry. There's a pet for everyone, I always say. An owl perhaps? Very popular, these days. Or a snake? Your teacher here always was partial to snakes, them being very useful in so many ways. Or can I tempt you with a hamster?"

"You most certainly cannot", Dekaras interjected. "I know all about your hamsters, Buggers. Your 'special' breed. I said lively, not psychotic."

"No trust between gentlemen these days", the halfling sighed. "Something else then." His face lit up with a huge grin. "I have it!", he exclaimed and scurried off into the darkness. Minutes later he returned, dragging a large cage behind him. Inside the cage something chittered angrily. "Now this", Mr Buggers said, "this is truly something special. As clever as they come. Go ahead, take a look." 

Edwin knelt in front of the cage and peered inside. A pair of bright black eyes stared back at him, and there was another annoyed chitter. Apparently, the inhabitant didn't like being stared at. It was a monkey, approximately the size of a human new-born, light grey with black markings around the eyes and on the legs. They made it look like the monkey was wearing a black mask and gloves. What it was in fact wearing was a knitted blue vest. The monkey studied Edwin for a moment, then made an ugly face and displayed its bum to the people watching.

"Oooh!", Edwin squealed with delight. "He's great! I want him! What's his name? Can he do any tricks?"

"His name is Blackjack", Mr Bugger beamed. "I'm afraid he doesn't know very many tricks yet, but he is only a young monkey, and he seems very clever. Perhaps you can teach him some? Just remember to never, ever feed him after midnight."

"What happens then?", Edwin asked.

"He gets a very upset tummy. Trust me, you don't want to see that."

Edwin had a huge grin on his face by now. He offered Blackjack a cookie he had saved since breakfast. The monkey nimbly snatched it and swallowed it, then licked its black fingers free of crumbs.

"A monkey", Dekaras said with some distaste. "Suddenly even the mutated hamsters Mr Buggers breeds in the basement sound like a promising prospect. A monkey is hardly an appropriate pet for a boy your age."

"But I _want_ him!", Edwin protested. "I want him, and Father said I could have whatever pet I wanted. And you _have_ to obey Father's orders, he's your Master and you're just a servant!"

The teacher's face froze into immobility, devoid of all expression. His eyes suddenly looked as emotionless as those of a reptile. Edwin belatedly put his hand over his mouth, feeling as if he had walked up to a sleeping dragon and kicked it hard on the nose.

"I…I…", Edwin tried.

"Is that so, young _Master_ ", Dekaras said, his unblinking gaze still fixed on the squirming boy. "Then this _servant_ shall trouble you with his opinions no longer." He turned to the halfling again. "How much for the monkey?", he asked. By now he was smiling. If anything, the smile made the eyes even worse.

"Er - fifty gold pieces?", Mr Buggers stuttered.

"No, I don't think so, Mr Buggers. You may have five, and that is only on account of it being such a good morning as you so eloquently put it."

"Five!", Mr Buggers squeaked. Then he took another look at Dekaras' smile and hastily wiped his brow with a large red handkerchief. "Oh, you said five!", he hastily added. "Five is just fine. Very reasonable."

"Yes, Mr Buggers. I am, as you well know, a very reasonable man." Dekaras turned as if to leave, then seemed to think of something. "Oh, yes", he said, snapping his long fingers. "I almost forgot. Mr Buggers, there is also the matter of your other line of business and the other item you sold me the other day."

"O-other item?"

"Indeed, Mr Buggers." Dekaras produced a plain, unadorned gold ring from one of the almost invisible pockets lining his cloak. "It may surprise you to learn that this Ring of Invisibility is defective. Imagine if you will my surprise upon realising that while it does make the wearer invisible, his shadow can still be seen. I got into a rather awkward situation because of that. You know how I hate awkwardness, so of course you would never have sold me the item in question had you known. You do after all wish for our relationship to continue on an amicable note, don't you?"

"Oh, yes", Mr Buggers said with a weak smile. He handed over a bag of coins. "Please allow me to refund your money and offer my sincere apologies."

"How kind. And one more thing, Mr Buggers. You talk a bit too openly about certain matters. I, on the other hand, have so far refrained from mentioning your own nocturnal activities. Business has been lucrative as of late, has it not? Why, only a few days ago I happened to run into this dwarf who was looking for you."

"Dwarf?", the halfling said nervously. "I don't know any dwarves."

"That is strange. He seemed to know you. Actually, he was very eager to find you, as well as a certain heirloom diamond that had recently gone missing from the family vault. From his description it must have been very similar to the one you've decorated your cravat with. Curious coincidence, that."

"Yes", Mr Buggers said. "Very curious. Er, did you speak long to this strange dwarf whom I have never met?"

"No, Buggers. I try to refrain from embarrassing my acquaintances by blabbing about their personal affairs in public places. A policy you would do well to adopt. It would help you avoid accidents. Good morning to you."

Dekaras picked up Blackjack's cage and headed for the exit. Half way there he was intercepted by the Red Wizard who came hurrying out from behind a shelf and nearly collided with him.

"Watch out, man!", the wizard blustered. Then he paused to stare at the cage. "A monkey!", he exclaimed. "That's marvellous! The perfect present for my little Zabina. Here, I'll buy it from you. How much?"

"Regrettably, sir, that animal is not mine to sell", Dekaras said, shaking his head. "It belongs to young _Master_ Odesseiron here." The monkey spat and tried to bite the teacher who nimbly avoided it by shifting his grip.

"That's right!", Edwin piped up. "He's mine, and you can't have him. Besides, he thinks you're loud and mean."

"What?", the wizard shouted, his face almost as red as his robe. "Rory the Roarer Ravonar? Mean? Why I oughtta'…" He paused. "Odesseiron?", he asked Dekaras and now his eyes were hard. "The son of Galen and Elvira Odesseiron. Then you would be…"

"Their humble servant", Dekaras smoothly interrupted.

"I see. Well, you may tell your Master and Mistress that they may have come out ahead in that regrettable affair with the Tharchion and the spice merchant, but they should watch themselves with the Roarer behind them. Everybody has so sleep sometimes."

"Quite right, sir. Everybody, even Red Wizards. Get moving, boy."

Dekaras walked out the door without looking back. Edwin did, however, and he saw Rory the Roarer watching them with a very unpleasant look on his face. "My previous offers still stand", he shouted. "Any time you change your mind, let me know. That goes for the monkey as well." Edwin saw Dekaras' back stiffen a little, but the tutor kept on walking.

"What did he mean?", Edwin asked as soon as he was certain Rory Ravonar couldn't hear him.

"That is not your problem", Dekaras stated. "Talk to your monkey, I'm sure it's far more interesting than a mere servant."

Edwin looked at Blackjack. The monkey was lying on his back inside the cage, carefully picking his nose. "But I want to know!", Edwin wheedled. "Please tell me! Please?"

"As you wish", Dekaras snapped. "Maybe then you will finally cease pestering me."

Edwin nodded solemnly.

"Briefly then, Rory Ravonar wants me to leave your family and enter his service instead. He has wanted that for quite some time, and due to certain recent events he is more eager than ever at the moment. As I believe I have told you before, I am among the best in my profession."

"Oh, I get it", Edwin said. "He wants you to come and be a teacher to his little girl, Zabina."

Dekaras gave him a guarded look. "Yes", he said. "That is one way of putting it." Then he suddenly seemed to recall his resentment. "Why are you wasting your time like this, _Master_ Odesseiron?", he asked, his eyes narrowing. "Your time is a valuable commodity, not to be squandered on conversing with _servants_ after all." The rest of the walk home was spent in an uncomfortable silence.

Once they had safely returned to the Odesseiron Mansion Dekaras handed Edwin the cage containing the monkey.

"Enjoy", he said. "Since your father was kind enough to grant me a free day there will be no official lessons tomorrow. I suggest you make the most of the day."

"But what will you do?", Edwin asked.

"I", Dekaras said, "intend to retire to my room. Once there I will partake of a highly efficient sleeping potion, and I will not be bothered, for any reason. I have been working hard as of late, and I need my rest. I would be most displeased if I were disturbed. Am I making myself perfectly clear?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now go play with your monkey."

Edwin dragged the cage into his room and carefully opened the door. Blackjack huddled inside, watching him suspiciously.

"Come on", Edwin said. "It's all right. I won't hurt you." Still the monkey didn't move. Edwin reached inside the cage.

**Scrreeeeeagh! Screeeeee!**

Galen Odesseiron's violin playing penetrated the mansion once again like the cry of a tormented banshee. Edwin suddenly found himself on his back with scratches all over his face and a distressed monkey jumping up and down on his chest. Obviously, Blackjack wasn't a music lover. Or maybe that was exactly what he was. Edwin barely had time to finish the thought before the monkey leapt off him and onto a table. That wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't for the fact that Edwin had left his homework on that table earlier. 

"Blackjack, no!", Edwin screamed. "Don't touch that!" The monkey grinned. Seconds later the room looked like a snowstorm had passed through it. Small bits of paper floated in the air like confetti and Blackjack licked his lips after swallowing what had previously been a report on the properties of pixie powder. The monkey burped and gave the stunned boy an evil grin.

"You - you stupid monkey!", Edwin yelled. "Look what you've done! That took me hours to write." And now he would have to do it all over again, unless he fancied telling his teacher that the monkey ate his homework. Somehow, he doubted that would count as a valid excuse. Where his tutor was concerned, he doubted getting killed, burned and dismembered would count as a valid excuse for not handing in his assignment on time.

"All right", Edwin said, trying to sound calm. "I guess you don't like Father's playing. I'll ask him to take a break, how's that?" Blackjack made a rude noise. "And if you're nice, I'll bring you some bananas." The monkey rubbed its belly with a wide grin. "Fine", Edwin said. "Just stay there, then. Nice monkey. Good monkey." He ran out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The angry hoots and hisses of the monkey followed him on his way downstairs, a disharmonious counterpoint to his father's playing.

It occurred to Edwin that perhaps he had bitten off a bit more than he could chew this time. Blackjack had seemed a lot cuter while he was still inside his cage. There was nothing to be done about it though, unless he wanted to admit his mistake. And Edwin thought to himself that he'd rather swallow a live snake than give his teacher that satisfaction.

"I'll show him", he muttered to himself. "I'll show 'em all. I'm old enough, I can fix this." 

**Scraaaiiich! Screeee!**

Edwin opened the door to the ballroom and peered inside. His father was still there, still producing what only a very charitable person would be able to call music. Edwin silently crossed the floor, trying to imitate his teacher's soundless way of walking. His father seemed not to be aware of his presence. Still, that could have had something to do with the violin. Edwin reached up a hand and yanked on his father's sleeve.

"What! What?" Galen Odesserion twisted around, accidentally hit Edwin on the head with the violin and bowled him over. "Edwin? What in the name of all magic do you think you're doing, creeping around like that?"

"I - I just…"

"Now, see here, Edwin. I happen to be very busy. What did you want?"

Edwin rubbed his forehead. There was going to be a bruise, he just knew it. "It's about my pet, Father", he said, trying his best not to sniffle. That violin had hurt.

"What pet? Oh, yes. Dekaras bought you one, did he?"

"Yes, Father. Only, I don't think he likes your playing very much."

"I know he doesn't. He already said so. Really, I didn't think he'd stoop to sending my own son to tell me that. He's usually more subtle."

It took Edwin a moment to work his way through that. Then he felt the slow heat of rising anger. "I meant my monkey", he said. "Your music scares him. And - and I don't like it either! Nobody does. It stinks!"

With that Edwin ran out, hurrying lest his father see how upset he was. His father hadn't even asked him if he'd been hurt.

_He doesn't care about anybody but himself_ , Edwin thought angrily. _I hate him!_ He hastily amended that last thought. He didn't really hate his father. But why couldn't he be as important to his father as that stupid old violin apparently was? Was he so bad then? He didn't think he was. He tried to be good. Well, most of the time. At least some of the time. But his father never seemed to notice. Not like his teacher did. Dekaras noticed everything, but right now he seemed to be extremely angry with Edwin and probably didn't care one way or the other. And he'd thought that the monkey would like him, be his friend, but it didn't seem to care for him either. Well, that could still happen. He hadn't fed it yet, after all.

A short while later Edwin carefully opened the door to his room and carried a big bunch of ripe bananas inside. "Blackjack?", he called out. "Here, monkey, monkey, monkey. I've got some nice bananas for you." Silence. Ominous silence. Edwin took another step inside the room. Blackjack obviously had been busy. By now the place looked like even more of a mess than before. Broken toys were everywhere. Even the rocking-horse that he had got for his latest birthday had had its entire mane and tail torn out. Clothes lay scattered all over the floor along with the sad remains of Edwin's homework.

"Blackjack?", Edwin said again. "You there? Here, have a banana will you, you stupid monkey?" 

The Thayvian Ghostmonkey is famous for the way it leaps between the treetops, not to mention the way the young males will drop from a great height to pounce on a rival. Blackjack had no such height at his disposal, but the clothes cabinet was at least adequate. He fell upon Edwin like a screeching Pit Fiend, pawing and biting. Moments later the animal had set up camp in the middle of Edwin's bed and showed no sign of wanting to leave. Banana peels were already adding to the terrible state of the room, giving it that special garbage heap atmosphere. Even worse, the monkey chose that particular moment to relieve himself on Edwin's pillow, and the rapid consumption of three bananas had done nothing for his digestion. 

"You stupid monkey!", Edwin yelled and clutched his bleeding cheek. "I just wanted to be your friend." Blackjack rolled his eyes and stuffed another banana into his mouth. That did it as far as Edwin was concerned. The monkey would have to go. Only, he didn't think he could handle it himself. The little beast had a really nasty bite. His Mother wasn't home. His Father was in a world of his own. That left his teacher, whom he had managed to insult into a quiet rage earlier and who by now was probably fast asleep. So he would have to choose between braving Dekaras' wrath and sharing his room with an evil, homework-devouring monkey. Edwin sighed and slipped under the bed. Possibly he would be able to get some sleep after all, and dust bunnies were pleasant company compared to Dekaras at his worst. 

The sun had barely risen the next morning before Edwin slipped out of his devastated room. Blackjack was still snoring loudly on the bed, surrounded by banana peels. And now Edwin stood before the closed door to his tutor's chambers. It shouldn't be possible for a mere door to be that forbidding, but somehow it seemed to be sneering at the trembling boy before it. He didn't want to do this. He really didn't. But he had to if he was ever going to get rid of the monkey. And it wasn't as if Dekaras was going to kill him. Probably.

Edwin squeezed his eyes shut and knocked on the door. There was no reply. He knocked again, a little harder. Still nothing.

"Teacher Dekaras?", Edwin hissed. "Are you there?" He tried to peek through the keyhole, seeing only darkness inside. Then the door was suddenly yanked open and Edwin tumbled unceremoniously inside to land in a heap on the floor. 

"I thought I told you", Dekaras voice said from somewhere high above, "not to bother me. Which part of this did you find particularly difficult to understand? Please let me know. This poor servant has nothing better to do than to repeat himself, after all." He pulled the boy to his feet, then caught sight of Edwin's general appearance. Dekaras' facial expression didn't change, but his eyes narrowed dangerously at the sight of the cuts, the scrapes, the large purple bruise and the torn and dusty clothes.

"Who did this?", he asked, his voice flat. Edwin explained, and as he did he could see his tutor's hands twitch as if he was reaching for somebody's neck. The fact that Dekaras was wearing slippers and a tattered old grey robe instead of his customary black apparel did nothing to detract from his usual aura of menace. 

"So - so I thought that since you said you disp-dispose of awkward comm-comm-thingies", Edwin said, "that maybe…" His voice trailed of uncertainly at the incredulous look in his teacher's eyes.

"Are you asking me", Dekaras said, "to 'dispose' of your pet monkey?"

"Well - yes", Edwin said. "I - I'll pay you, if you want. Please, I have to get rid of him, and I don't think Father will let me take him back to the shop. You know how he is. Please!" Edwin momentarily considered using the puppy eyes, but then thought better of it. Somehow he had a feeling his teacher wouldn't be amused.

"So you will pay me", Dekaras said. "To dispose of a monkey. Well, well." He gave a short bark of a laugh. "Isn't that a novel way of putting things. Takes me back a few years it does. Oh, don't look at me like that, boy. I won't bite. In fact, I think I'll do as you ask."

"You will? You will! Oh, thank you! Er, you won't hurt Blackjack too badly? I don't want that."

"Don't worry, boy." Dekaras grinned wolfishly. "I never hurt anyone unintentionally. Speaking of which, we really should get you cleaned up after your father's and your pet's little mishaps. Sit down."

"But…"

"I said. Sit. Down." 

Edwin hastily sat down on a couch. The shades were drawn and the room dark except for a single candle, so he couldn't see much. There was a door at the far end of the room, that presumably led to the bedroom. From what he could see this outer chamber served as a study. There was a desk near the window, covered with papers. Edwin morosely wondered whether his latest test was among them. A bookshelf was covered with heavy tomes and there was a large oaken cabinet. This Dekaras opened, and Edwin caught a glimpse of rows upon rows of potion bottles of different shapes and sizes. Dekaras picked one, then turned back to his pupil. 

"Now hold still", he said. "This is going to sting a bit."

It did. Edwin forced himself to sit still, but it still burned, and he couldn't quite stifle a whimper. Afterwards though, the cuts no longer hurt, and even the bruise had faded.

Dekaras nodded approvingly. "Much better", he said. "Now let's go get that monkey. And then I think I shall have another word with your father about that violin of his."

As it turned out, Blackjack was nowhere to be found. Much to his chagrin Edwin realised that he hadn't closed the door all the way, and the monkey had taken this opportunity to sneak out. Dekaras studied the remains of what had previously been a beautiful room, the slight twitch of one eyebrow the only hint that the magnitude of the devastation surprised him in any way. "Interesting", he said. "I've never known one of Mr Buggers' animals to behave this way, apart from the hamsters. Otherwise they are usually well trained." He paused, tapping his lower lip with his index finger. "Yes", he said to himself. "Yes, that would fit. I can hardly believe he would have the nerve to try to pull that under my very nose, but that is the only logical explanation."

"What is?", Edwin asked.

"Pay attention to the facts, boy", Dekaras snapped. "Use that brain of yours. Now, come with me. We have no time to lose." With that the teacher picked up his pace, walking so fast that Edwin had to run to keep up. He had no idea what was going on, except that it probably wasn't anything good. Then they stopped, and Edwin realised that they were standing outside his mother's room. There was a slight, tinkling sound coming from inside and the door was halfway open. Dekaras motioned for Edwin to stay put, then slid towards the door like a stalking tiger. The tutor leapt inside the room, so quickly that he looked like a grey blur. Edwin could hear an angry hiss and something clattering to the floor.

"Got you!", Dekaras cried out in triumph. Edwin carefully stuck his head inside the room. His tutor was holding Blackjack by the scruff of his neck, in such a way that the animal could neither claw nor bite. That wasn't what caused Edwin to gasp with surprise, however. That reaction came from seeing that the monkey was wearing several of his mother's more valuable necklaces, along with her diamond and ruby rings. The animal had obviously gone through her jewellery box.

"Mr Buggers is a very clever man", Dekaras said in an almost loving voice as he put the jewellery back inside the box. "A thief with an original way of thinking. It seems he had managed to teach this monkey a few tricks after all."

"He taught Blackjack to steal?", Edwin asked incredulously.

"Yes indeed. Not only that, he taught him to make a mess if he was placed in a room without valuables until he was either moved or given an opportunity to escape. Very clever. Not very wise to annoy me like this, but clever all the same. Do you still want to keep this monkey?"

Edwin made a face. "I never want to see another stupid monkey again in my life!", he said with heartfelt disgust.

"Good boy. And have you learnt your lessons?"

"But I had no lessons today", Edwin said. Then he caught sight of his teacher's frown. "Oh", he said. "Those lessons. Er, not to ignore good advice?"

"Yes. Carry on."

"Not to be rude to others."

"Not exactly."

"Not to be rude to you?" Brief nod. "I'm really sorry about that", Edwin said. "I didn't mean to say those things. It was wrong of me. I'm sorry, really I am." He flushed slightly and studied the tips of his shoes.

"That will do", Dekaras said, and there was a hint of a smile to his voice. "After all, the punishment has already been meted out, so to speak. And now, there is the matter of my payment."

"Payment?"

"For disposing of this monkey. I do not work for free; you know."

"I don't have that much", Edwin said. "But I have my piggy-bank. I'll go get it."

"No, boy, not money. I want you to fetch me a certain item and then do exactly as I tell you."

Edwin gave his teacher a curious look, then listened with rising glee as the plan was explained to him. This was going to be fun!

Galen Odesseiron rose early that morning, eager to resume his practise. He really thought he was getting the hang of this violin thing now, the servants certainly seemed to look awed whenever he saw them. Well, except for Dekaras, but he was such a dour fellow, always going on about this or that. Not inclined to let a fellow indulge in peace. Still, he supposed being an assassin wasn't likely to make a person very cheerful or carefree, as it were. Elvira had said she adored his music though. Pity she had been forced to go visit her mother that suddenly, but she had said she would look forward to hearing more when she got back. Galen put on his best robe and went inside the ballroom, whistling happily all the while. Moments later there was a scream of despair.

"My violin!", Galen shouted. "It's gone! Somebody has stolen my violin, my darling. My precious violin! Oh, woe, woe is me! I shall pine away and die without her." He paused to catch his breath. "Dekaras!", he yelled. "Help!"

"Master?", Dekaras inquired politely into the woebegone wizard's right ear.

Galen almost screamed again but managed to choke it off into a strangled wheeze. "Must you do that?", he asked. "I'm upset enough as it is." He turned around to see the assassin give him an inquiring look. Dekaras was perfectly calm as usual, his black clothes spotless, his hands relaxed behind his back.

"What seems to be the problem, Master?", he asked.

"It's my violin", Galen Odesseiron almost sobbed. "It's been stolen. How could you let this happen to me! You're supposed to keep these things from happening!"

"Yes, Master", Dekaras said. "And I do try. Regrettably however, even I need to sleep sometimes, as I am certain I have remarked before. I did however manage to catch the culprit before he could escape."

"You did? How…Who was it?"

Dekaras made a short beckoning gesture with one hand and Edwin stepped inside the room, dragging an unconscious monkey by the tail.

"I'm sorry, Father", the boy said in a tremulous voice. "I had no idea he'd do a thing like that. Honestly."

"A sad affair, Master", Dekaras said. "I fear I must blame myself for trusting in Mr Buggers the pet-salesman."

"No, Father, it was my fault", Edwin said. "I wanted the monkey, I kept nagging. But how was I supposed to know that he'd been trained to rob his new owner's house and then return to his trainer?" 

"What a dastardly plan!", Galen Odesseiron exclaimed. "So the little beast stole my violin, eh? Yes, it would be the most valuable thing in the house, wouldn't it? But where is it?"

Dekaras cleared his throat. "Sadly, Master, the instrument could not be saved", he said. He then removed his hands from behind his back to display the pitiful heap of wood that had once been a priceless violin. 

Galen turned green in the face and his eyes bulged. "My violin!", he sobbed. "My precious violin! What was the name of the thief again? Buggers? Dekaras, I want you to get Buggers for me. Any way you want. I'll hate him forever for doing this."

"Yes, Master. May I be bold enough to make a suggestion?"

"Certainly."

"There is also the matter of the monkey to be considered. Young Master Edwin no longer wishes to keep him. On the other hand, I met Rory Ravonar the other day."

"Rory the Roarer?", Galen spat. "The big, fat toothless lion? Is he still trying to lure you into his employment?"

"Yes, Master."

"Well, I won't have it! I'll double your pay!"

Dekaras carefully studied his fingernails.

"I'll triple it! And your bonuses."

"Thank you, Master", Dekaras said. "Very kind of you. I did turn the Roarer down, as a matter of fact. And in doing so I learnt that he is very interested in acquiring a pet for his daughter Zabina."

Three pairs of eyes swivelled around to watch the unconscious Blackjack.

"Given your past differences", Dekaras said, "a peace offering may be well recieved."

"Dekaras, old boy", Galen said with a big smile. "You are a genius."

"Nice of you to say so, Master. I'll tell Ravonar that you are allergic to monkeys, shall I? That would explain why you would want to get rid of it. Of course, it may be that he gets a bit more than he bargained for, but such is the way of life. It may also be that Rory Ravonar will become a trifle unhappy with Mr Buggers in the near future. He always has had a hot temper. Indeed, I fear for the safety of that poor, unfortunate halfling should his monkey manage to upset the Roarer."

Galen Odesseiron's smile now closely resembled that of a hungry shark. "Always listen very closely to your teacher, Edwin", he said. "Listen and learn."

"Yes, Father", Edwin said and gave the destroyed violin a pleased look. The sound of it breaking across the head of the evil monkey had been extremely satisfying. "I always do."


End file.
